Ghosted by a BF of 3 Years. Here's How I Healed.

Updated: Oct 13, 2020

Ghosting is ending a relationship by suddenly withdrawing from all communication without an explanation. Whether it’s 3 weeks or 3 years, is ending a romantic relationship by ghosting ever ok?

Some relationships aren’t meant to last forever. And that’s ok. But when it comes to ending the relationship, emotional maturity is needed. Ghosting can be an easy way out depending on the situation.

Ghosted by a boyfriend of 3 years:

We talked about getting married and even having kids one day. We even met each others families throughout the three years of dating.

To our friends, we were a match made in heaven. And I thought so too.

There was no argument and no signs of wanting out. He just stopped responding to texts and never picked up again.

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The weeks leading up to the ghosting were quite the opposite. We had gone on a romantic vacation to Europe. We also spent a lot of time talking about our future together.

8 Ways I Healed:

1. Cried until no tears were left.

In the middle of the night, as soon as a woke up, or in the middle of the day. I allowed myself to cry for as long and as many times as I needed.

2. Reached out to friends.

I was extremely selective of who I confided it. At times, it was too overbearing to repeat the “I don’t know what happened and why did it end” story.

3. Asked for space.

There were times when I hated being alone in an empty apartment. But there were many more times when I just needed the solitude to process everything.

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With the same limited number of friends, they understood that it wasn’t personal when I “ghosted” them temporarily. Meeting up for coffee, walks or dinner sometimes took all the energy out of me. So I gave them a heads up that I was going to be flaky at times.

4. Walked for hours.

Regardless of the weather, I made an effort to get some fresh air each day. Soon my daily hour long walks became two, then three.

During these walks, sometimes I just walked in silence and wandered. Other times, I listened to music, podcasts, and audiobooks.

5. Journal with tarot cards.

When in doubt, write it out. Writing helped me to reflect and process all the confusion and sadness. I even tried soul writing!

I loved using tarot cards as a tool for self-discovery. Rather than using tarot to predict the future as many people do, I use it to tap into my subconscious mind.

Each day I drew a card to reflect on the image and the metaphysical insights. My fav tarot decks are:

Guardian Angel Tarot Cards

Angel Answers Oracle Cards

Archangel Power Tarot Cards

6. Binge on self-help books + shows.

I allowed myself to watch motivational movies and shows for hours and hours. I cried, laughed, and just let myself get carried away in another reality.

Through personal comeback stories of various writers, self-help books inspired me to keep on putting one foot in front of the other.

I don't usually read books twice but I actually read the following books multiple times within a year:

Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment

Fulfilled: How the Science of Spirituality Can Help You Live a Happier, More Meaningful Life

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

7. Listen to inspirational podcasts.

Similar to binge watching and reading, I binge listened to a lot of personal development podcasts. Sometimes my mind would go down a rabbit hole so I would have podcasts play in the background while I driving, cleaning, or cooking.

Aside from inspirational stories, my fav episodes covered a variety of topics from tarot to mindset tips. This also included personal finance tips and career advice that inspired me to create this website.

8. Continue to feel it to heal it.

The crying spells lessened as months passed. But once in a while, tears would start up again. Instead of getting caught up in analysis paralysis, I let go of any judgement that surfaced and let myself release the emotions.

Going through a dark night of the soul?

When you focus on when and how the chaos is going to end, your feelings resonate energetic vibrations of anger, resentment and anxiety.

Manifesting a breakthrough can slow down because your energy starts to operate in a lower vibrational frequency.

Going through a dark night of the soul feels downright awful. In fact, it’s not easy to see any silver linings in the midst of all the chaos. So there’s not need to force it. Stop the analyzing.

After some time passes, you may see why things panned out the way they did.

For now, there’s no need to push yourself while in the midst of a dark night of the soul. In fact, you can turn negative vibes into positive fuel at any time.

Small but consistent steps.

After much introspection, I recognized that my happiness, my sanity and just having that sense of peace and balance, was priceless. Slowly but surely, I got clear on what I wanted to change in my work and life.

Within months, I moved to a new city. I even bought a condo and car within 24-hours of landing. When in alignment, things fall into place quite quickly.

The key is to feel it in order to heal it! As you release your negative emotions, begin to shift your energy.

When you shift your focus, you shift your energy.

And where our focus goes, energy flows.Shifting your focus requires managing thought patterns.

Our brain is wired to help us survive in this world. The brain tends to look for what’s wrong, for whatever can hurt us.

As a result, an unfocused mind operates naturally in survival mode by searching for threats. I don’t know about you but that usually is in the form of unnecessary stress and anxiety for me!

In fact, operating on survival mentality nonstop can lead to strained relationships and health issues too.

R.A.I.N. on negative thoughts.

The important thing is to take baby steps to ease out of the negative thought patterns. Remember the acronym R.A.I.N. Recognize, accept, intention, and neutralize those thoughts.

Recognize that the sympathetic nervous system is activated which is often referred to as the fight or flight response. Accept the thought by letting go of any self-judgement.

Take three slow breaths to ease your way out of the fight or flight mode. Next, set the intention. For instance, you may want to write or say out loud that forgive yourself for your past financial mistakes.

Then write or say that you intend to take small but consistent steps each day to achieve financial freedom.

Ready to do something for yourself? Getting in the creative flow is the way to healing!

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